Tensions In The Family

“I told my wife that I needed her support in relating to my co-workers at my new job. She told me to ‘be a man’ and deal with it myself.” — “My husband comes home from his job and does not talk to me, or ask me what happened today. He starts to drink and he expects me to work a job and take care of the household chores.”

We can imagine, or we have experienced, the above examples of tensions in the family. There are thousands more examples of tension about which we can speak. We also can seek the perspective of the children, especially teenagers or adult sons and daughters who live with their parents. The latter have a great desire for independence and understanding, nonetheless, family living calls for sacrifices and sharing by each person.

How do we learn to be “successful” families? What we learned from our own parents and siblings may not have been very healthy. What can we do to avoid repeating the same mistakes as our own parents?

The impact of a dysfunctional family can be overwhelming and lasting. Some of the effects include the following: difficulty with emotional or sexual intimacy; alcohol or drug abuse; trust issues; poor communication skills; over- sensitivity; obsession with perfectionism; feelings of abandonment or isolation; feelings of powerlessness and/or feelings of worthlessness.

Forgiveness will be an important part of improving our own families. Forgiveness does not mean that the abuse, dysfunction, addiction, etc. did not happen. But, we cannot live in the past, nor let the past rule our future. We must not let our past be an excuse for our current behavior.

The liberation of Jesus’s example of forgiveness is valuable. At times, he forgave people even before they asked. He invited others to “go and sin no more,” (the woman who was about to be stoned). He invited people to see beyond their present condition to see more (examples of Zacchaeus, Bartimaeus, the rich man whom Jesus asked to sell his possessions, etc.).

The Church offers several ways by which to move beyond our past hurts to new life. The Scriptures are full of stories and examples of how God’s grace helps individuals, families, and communities to find healing, growth, and peace. The Sacraments of the Eucharist, Reconciliation, and Anointing of the Sick are additional ways by which we can become better, more holy families and communities. All of the Sacraments are directed toward improving the individual, for the good of the whole community. Sometimes, the first step is to become a better husband, wife, mother, father, son, or daughter. Then, our own family can become an inspiration and example for others. St. Willebrord, pray for us!

Peace, Fr. Andy