Saying Sorry Is Not Enough

       As a little boy growing up with all of my sisters and brothers I came to discover when I had gone beyond certain boundaries. I teased my sisters relentlessly. I did not tease them to be funny. I teased them in order to make them feel bad. I teased them to the point of crying. I “bullied” them. My parents disciplined me regularly. I needed to learn.
       As I learned I came to know when I did wrong. If I was teasing and one of my sisters started to cry, I knew that I was in trouble. I would beg them not to tell our parents. I would say repeatedly: “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry…” I as begging them not to tell Mom and Dad. In a way it was like the Gospel reading from last Sunday “How many times must I ask for forgiveness, seven times?” But, in another way I had not learned. I knew that I was wrong, but I only
wanted to protect myself from punishment. I had not learned contrition.
       Learning to “say” that I was sorry was not a result of actually being sorry. I was selfish and only wanted to prevent negative consequences. I had not learned to change my heart, to change my behavior, nor to change my relationship with my siblings.
       In the Sacrament of Reconciliation we seek a change of heart. That change is God’s desire for us. God wants us to be reconciled even before we ask. Ultimately, our goal is to be at one with the whole community of believers. The teasing, the harsh words, the physical abuse, the dishonesty and disrespect to which we turn when we sin, are not washed away only by praying to God for forgiveness. We must also let the grace of God’s forgiving and healing power to change the world and the people we have damaged by our sin. We must seek to be ONE again with the community.
       Full reconciliation is not only about “feeling better” after “feeling bad” about that which we said or did. Reconciliation is more than a feeling. It is a transformation and it is communal. When we are reconciled by God’s grace and we value that which has been transformed in us, then we recognize that we need to change our relationships in the community. We must relate with greater respect, gentleness, honesty, and love. Let us be reconciled!!
(Today, my siblings and I are all reconciled, I think.) 

Peace, Fr. Andy